Approximately 9+ years ago, my sisters and I got together to do what we thought would be 'good thing' for my parents for Valentine's Day. We decided that we would clean up our parent's home and organize it a bit. Dad had suffered a stroke and Mom was caring for Dad a lot, we thought it would help. Little did we know that Mom had no intention of parting with anything in the home, including magazines from the early 90's and damaged items. That day, what we saw was a different side of our mother, that for me, terrified me and still haunts me today.
The woman I had cherished, respected and loved no longer existed on that day. And my relationship with my mother continues to decline every day. After the Valentine's Day incident, my mother said she disowned me and did not speak to me for 6+ months; all because I wanted her live in a clean, safe home.
At that point, I went to the internet to seek help to find out why she would be like that with her stuff. There was not much information back then. My sisters and I talked about it, emailed about it and just tried to determine what we could do. There was nothing. And then Oprah came along with a show about hoarding and the floodgates opened. I told my Mom I was going to have Oprah's experts come in and help and she told me she would never speak to me again. We even considered therapy--but Mom would not go.
Fast forward many years and the home continued to swell. It was a 2500 sq ft home with 6000 sq foot of stuff in it. My family & I stopped visiting altogether. The only person it hurt was me though as my mother did not want visitors. There was no place to sit nor to cook or eat a meal.
Dad was too ashamed to have visitors. My Dad was a social person....that is when you saw his personality the most...when he was around others. He never knew a stranger--he could talk to anyone. I truly believe that the stroke and hoarding was the beginning of the end for my father. It is also why when he died in his bed, why they had to remove him through his bedroom window instead of through the front door. The medics could not get the gurney through the house due to the hoarding. You would think that would wake a person up to their hoarding habits, but it didn't.
The divorce. My sister and her husband are going through a bitter divorce. They lived next door to my parents. Because my sister no longer lives next door, she talks Mom into selling her home and moving into something smaller. This really is a great plan that we all loved. Except Mom wanted to take her 6000 sq ft of stuff with her. She found a 817 sq ft home and started packing. Unfortunately she packed junk & trash too. Now some stuff did make it to the trash---but not easily. 1 Pod and 6 storage units later....my mother has a 817 sq ft home packed to the gills of items not needed to live. And now she wants a shed built just to store her Christmas items. Unbelivable. She needs help. I feel like I am watching an alcoholic drink themselves to death. I just watch and wait. To fix a problem, don't you have to get to the root of why it is a problem so you will stop? No one wants to help her because she won't help herself. I feel helpless. I pray for her. Pray. Pray.Pray.
