As Time Goes By....

My mother in law has been in heaven since October 2005. My Dad joined her in November 2009. I miss them both so much. I feel lost without them, I really do. I am now in the stage of going through the firsts for the first year of my Dad being gone. It's tough. His birthday was April 26th and I fondly recalled the many happy memories. Some memories are recent and not very good....seeing him unhealthy, sad and in pain. That is not how I wish to remember him but that is how I last saw him. Comparing the two deaths of my mother in law & my Dad, what I recall was that both of them expressed a desire to live. Neither wanted to die. I always wish I had spent more time with them. Today, I know that every moment of every day they are both with me, guiding me, helping me and continue to love me spiritually. It doesn't make the hurt go away, but it certainly brings me a level of peace. I love you Daddy. I miss you horribly.

Only A Motorcyclist Knows

This month marks a year ago that I took the Motorcycle Safety Course at the college. It was on a whim that I signed up in November 2008 for the class- I just decided to do it. My life has changed in ways I never expected since I challenged myself to learn something new. My husband had been riding for a few years and I enjoyed being a passenger. I took a women's only class in hopes of less intimidation. I easily passed the written test. Some aspects of the riding course were difficult. In the end after 4 days, I did not pass the riding test. I was devastated and I cried all the way home. The great news is that I can re-test. I ended up re-testing nearly 6 weeks later. My husband found and bought a 2005 Honda Rebel on Craigslist. We went to Elizabethtown, PA to get my bike. We met the sellers, bought it and brought it home in the pouring rain in the back of the truck. The next day I practiced on the bike. My husband would go to the local school parking lot to show me and critique my figure 8's, quick stop, start and turns. Everyday I hopped on the bike and rode around the neighborhood. I stopped,started, turned, shifted gears etc. I fell in love with riding. I crashed a couple of times--but I got right back on. I know that I made both my husband and son incredibly nervous while I was out riding. Everyday after work and weekends I practiced and as they say practice makes perfect. In June, I went to re-test and passed and I was beyond excited! Next up, I went to MVA to get my license as soon as I could. I was amazed at myself--there is just no other way to say it...I was! Every ride is better than the last and I am in love with riding. I know my limits and I can tell when I am getting tired and it's time to take a break. So this time of year really brings great memories and now I know why a dog sticks its' head out the windows.....there is nothing like it!

Snowology

January & February 2010 brought lots of snow and a blizzard or two. Pictures tell the story. It was cold, the state was shut down a few times. Lots of lovey time with my hubby! All I can say is I'd be pregnant now if we hadn't taken care of that. LOL

2009- The Year In Review

Hmm, well, it has been awhile since I blogged. My whole reasoning for blogging is therapeutic. And it doesn't hurt that maybe someone else is going through what I am going through. If I can survive it so can you. I am planning to blog more....but first let me bring you up to date!

February - My son Daniel turned 18. That was the single most important day of the month. We had a intimate dinner with our family & closest friends @ Lee Hunan's in Aberdeen. It was a great time!

April-In late April, I took the Motorcycle Safety Foundation's Course @ Harford Community College. Once I completed the course, I passed the written test however I did not pass the course test whereas I drove a motorcycle through various endeavors. Once you fail, you do get a chance to redeem yourself and try again, which I did. I had 6 weeks to do so. My hubby bought me a 2005 Honda Rebel 250cc. It is literally the same bike I learned on in the class. What I remember after failing the riding portion of the class, is that I cried. I really wanted to pass & I really wanted to ride. I fell in love with riding during the course.
So, I practiced. I got my learners permit and everyday after work, I hopped on my bike and rode around the neighborhood. I practiced starting, braking, clutch control, etc.
My hubby Leonard took me to the middle school to practice my figure 8, stopping suddenly and general critique of my skills. So I practiced into May until my test date.

May - Practice, practice, practice is about all I can remember from this month. I also was preparing for my son's high school graduation in June.

June - June brought a huge family and friends get together at our home to celebrate Daniel's graduation. We had the party the weekend before his graduation. We had a lot of fun and it was so great to see everyone. Graduation was an emotional but proud moment. During this month, my father's health was starting to fail and he was incredibly weak. He did not attend the graduation party or the graduation due to his health.
After graduation, it was time for Senior Week @ the beach. It was an unnerving week as Daniel & friends were kicked out of their room after the second day. He survived and we did too. I am sure I am grayer because of the week though.
June is also the month that I went for and got my motorcycle license. All the practice paid off as I zoomed around the test course and passed with lots of compliments from my instructors. They were genuinely proud of me. I was proud of me. It was a great moment and I can still remember the day that I could leave the neighborhood on the bike and venture out with the other traffic-which was exciting and scary all at once!

July-August-September - I recall riding my bike a lot alone. I just want to get the feel of the bike and enjoy the ride --which I did. I was seriously hooked! I love riding. In August, we went dirt biking and 4wheeling in Altoona PA. I went over a mountain unintentionally and decided that I was giving up on 4wheeling. Daniel started Harford Community College in September. We also said goodbye to some of his fellow classmates heading off to college.

October - As a family, we went to Hatfield McCoy trails in West Virginia. We went with a bunch of friends and had a great time. The trails were crazy and the place we stayed at was amazing!
I also decided at that time that I am definitely selling my 4wheeler. It just was not fun for me anymore.

November - I flew solo to Cape Cod in November to see my friend Lisa and her family. It was a great time and a beautiful area. It was cold though. The next trip and there will be one, will be when it is warmer. In the short time I was there --we saw quite a bit and got lots of pictures. Her family is amazing though Taylor is quite competitive in the game department. LOL
I was home for a couple of days when my Dad passed away. It was unexpected and sudden. He had just recently gotten home from rehabilitation for about a week --so we thought he was doing better, but that was not to be. I know that he wanted to be home and he was. Honestly, my Dad was never going to get better unless he had heart surgery and he didn't want to do that. So really, it was a matter of time. He died a year nearly to the day that one of his heart doctors said he would. My Dad knew he had a year and I believe he knew it all along. I was incredibly sad this month. I walked around in a daze a lot. I rode one time that month and I hung up the bike keys until winter was over. The holidays were upon us and I could have cared less. I just could not wait for the year to be over. I miss my Dad.

December - I remember shopping for Christmas but my heart not being in it. I had the family at our home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I love having everyone together--though it brings a lot of drama. I just wanted the year to be over & eventually it was.

My Angel Watches Over Me

I am sad to report that since my last update which was a long time ago, my father,
William Forrest Cornell passed away on November 12, 2009. He wanted to be home which is where he was when he died. In my very first blog posting, I talk about family secrets and my wanting to know who my father is/was.
I know who my father is/was. He is the man that raised me to be the woman I am today.
I had the greatest father on earth. I wish to continue to honor him as my father. I don't know many men who could assume the fatherhood duties of a 5 year old and raise the child as their own, with seemingly no problems. I never, ever felt that I wasn't 'his'. And that my dear is a huge accomplishment and something that makes me terribly proud. I am sure I was a brat at times, but my mother was the displinarian and my father was the comforter. I am a blessed woman for having him in my life as my father. I wish to continue to honor his memory and take comfort in the memories of our lives. R.I.P. Dad. I love & miss you!